In the middle of the Sunday night telecast, deceptively dressed as a pedestrian advertisement, was my Grammy moment.

Earlier, there had been flashy dance numbers from Bruno Mars and Katy Perry, solemn and heartfelt tributes to Whitney and Etta; a sweeping string section with Paul McCartney, and Adele’s triumphant comeback performance of “Rolling In the Deep”.

Then, with no fanfare, a simple shot of a girl on a bus with headphones on. She starts effortlessly singing the song that Adele just received a standing ovation and multiple awards for – as natural as kids do when a song they love comes on the playlist or the radio, or when we are in the shower or in the car, and we think no one is listening. Then came the build into the chorus, and the rest of the bus – young girls as well – sing the backup counter harmonies complete with mini dance moves.

It was a Target commercial, cute, yes, and I am sure staged and directed, but in less than a minute it conveyed more about celebration of music than the multimillion dollar, somewhat autotuned party it crashed.

The music business is far from innocent and romantic, but my own entry into it was probably similar to these girls – only my iPod was a red plastic transistor radio. The soloist in the Target spot is featured in the P.S. 22 choir whose cover version of the Adele song was originally shown in this video:

Come on now. That rocks.

School and church choir along with mandatory piano lessons at an early age (thanks Mom!) laid my own musical foundation and stoked my curiosity and enthusiasm. Once shown that the sounds that excited me as a tot could be created by my own voice and hands…then, encouragement from a teacher that I could create my own composition with my own melody and words, and that the school choir could perform it in concert…as a child, nothing could blow my mind further open.

In high school it was easy to find co-conspirators. Before the days of flash mobs, a few girlfriends and I discovered which parts of the school building resonated best, and we would belt out our vocal ensemble parts unexpectedly between classes while walking down the stairwell, or in selected corridors where the high ceilings and wood floors were conducive to carrying our gorgeous (well we thought anyway) reverberating  stacked intervals across that section of the school – impromptu serenade blasts for our classmates rushing to the next period. Giggle!

That TV minute with the girls on the bus took me back to those days of blind music love and innocence.  The critic in me that, left unchecked, has the tendency to want to tweet catty remarks about some rock star’s performance that night, call them on being pitchy, ask wtf are they wearing, or ask why are they the ones on TV right now – was silenced. I had to laugh when superstars Dave Grohl and Blake Shelton could each be seen during the broadcast with wide grins, singing loudly and bobbing their heads with nerdy, boyish abandon alongside their heroes, Paul McCartney and Glen Campbell, even though they were off mic –  lovestruck again by those songs from their youth.

Any one of the Grammy performers had been that kid on the bus at some time and – darn it – yes, despite my personal tastes in music, I can respect and celebrate every one of those artists for getting to that stage. Each one of them is there partially because of that initial, innocent love – whether their current work reflects it or not, they have known the joy of a song that awakens them, carries them through whatever obstacles arise to releasing that record and getting people to listen. The choir director at PS 22 and any music educator around the country may share this feeling as well – so moved by a love of music and commitment to teaching that despite being grossly underfunded, they can achieve this level of participation with a large group of kids.

I hope that girl on the bus keeps singing whether she enters the business or not. While it is an opportunity that is sadly diminished with the shrinking of arts funding in the United States, I still hope that any kid who wants it can find some kind of guidance – in or out of school – to develop their talent as far as they and their courage want to take it – maybe even answering the call to share that gift with the next generation, or an older one. I thank this young singer and her friends and classmates for the perpetual valentine of eternal youth, and for reminding me that I can feel that innocent joy anytime – free of charge, conditions or special effects.

Three days ago, I found myself in Brooklyn having a chat with a friend – I’ll call her Felicia. She is someone I respect immensely due to her decades-long career touring with major artists as a backing musician, as well as her own career as a singer-songwriter(she writes exquisite songs), producer, arranger and performance coach. 

I can’t recall how the conversation got round to the topic of destruction – or deconstruction – but it seems that once you get into bad vocal habits, the best way to remedy them is to shut you up, break it down, and rebuild.

I told Felicia how I met my hometown vocal coach on a 3 hour choral recording session. That day, several years ago, I was placed in the soprano section and at the end of the session, after singing countless takes of high A’s, her voice was still clear as a bell while mine was so fatigued I could hardly speak. When I overheard her say she was a vocal coach I asked for her number. She nursed me through a later bout with laryngitis by commanding me to be silent for a time, then gave me a cassette of speech therapy exercises. “Speech therapy?” I said. Apparently my vocal habits needed remedying all the way down to how I placed vowels and initialized consonants in my everyday conversation. 

When I got to Los Angeles a friend recommended a voice coach and she started our lesson with the usual: some scales and exercises so she could get familiar with my voice. She stopped me immediately and said, “Do you realize that before you take a breath you swallow?” Hm, no I did not! Now why would I want to constrict my throat right before trying to fill my lungs with air? This was a totally unconscious yet voluntary action that diminished my ability to sing my best.  

I was a creature of bad habit, apparently!

After sharing these tales with Felicia, she related several stories comparing students who made significant progress with coaching. The key components in their success was their willingness to set aside their ego in order to find the root of the issue(s) holding them back, then following through with consistent practice of newly learned, proper habits. This can be scary, she said, because if you decide to fundamentally change the way you sing, there will be a period of practice where you won’t sound very good. To some, this does not feel like moving towards improvement. But it is a sign of a new beginning. We all wobble when we start to walk as babies, right? 

“Foundations,” she said. “Sometimes you have to tear everything down to the foundation and start over. Even Pavarotti took time off to rebuild his voice.”

Looking at my end of year blog from last year, I had to laugh at myself. I found Felicia’s comments metaphorically relevant to that woeful post. So much fear and sadness in my words! Was this the echo of my collapse to some foundation?

In hindsight, the rainbow has been brilliant this year, colored by last year’s storms. 

If 2010 was the breakdown of my paradigm, 2011 was a re-centering, re-grounding and preparation for launch.  Life has been as bicoastal as it ever was in the years I still had keys to an apartment in New York. Funny how sometimes it’s really about access to, not ownership of, the things and places we love. Enjoyed many firsts – played new venues, sang with new artists, sang in and produced a rock opera, co-produced a music video, started my percussion studies and can’t wait to get back to continue! – all in Los Angeles. Met new friends across the globe just by being open and saying yes to opportunity. I was craving a mentor and found…more than one, under my nose. 

From here, 2012 looks pretty promising, I must say!

Cheers to you, and may you go fearlessly forward from your own foundations with passion, grace, and joy into the new year.

Bottoms up!!

The year is coming to an end. My befuddled little head spins at the events and change that whizzed by in 2010. A respectable amount of success, good for the soul. Other difficult milestones, rough on the heart. Enough of each to spur a positive shift in attitude and questions about this path.

Lost some friends this year for various reasons. Perhaps I did not prioritize my attentions well. Or perhaps I was mistaken about the strength of those connections, much as it hurts to realize this.
The anti-pain: to realize that new friendships have taken root and beckon regardless of geographical distance or time zone.

Creatively, quite happy about the number of opportunities this year. Proud of a few projects that went quite well with much blood, sweat, cussing, and eventual glee. Some surprise sources of income at the end of this year feel like reminders to keep faith.

Grateful, always grateful, to have encouragement from people I respect and seek counsel from. I note my lack of a mentor – something I crave at this point in my efforts – but wonder if I have allowed myself to see who that person, or who those people, may be.

Tonight is my last night spent in my Manhattan flat. For the past three years I have felt a bit like an urban Persephone – shuttling from sunshine and sea air to electric-lit concrete canyons. Each place has been a respite from the other. I wonder if the real key is to find peace and opportunity wherever I land.

There is a theory I refer to often that suggests you follow your fear, let it lead you to the next steps in your true path. That when you approach a challenge that will take you to the next level, you feel the most fear and resistance. I am freaked out, after three years of a long bicoastal goodbye, to be saying a real farewell to my favorite city on the planet. I hope this is a signal that hard yet rewarding work is dead ahead.

These are the questions whose answers I chase in a sunset direction.

Happy new year my friends! May your journeys lead to terror, adventure and reward as well!

With love,
Celia

the ladies in the window
stare at me
in their jewelry and gowns
they never go too far
they’re best at breaking hearts
with sewn-shut mouths

they’re kept behind a glass
so people pass
and wonder at their sheen
i take a photograph
and laugh
they’re far from human beings

feel no pain
never worked a day
man made
yeah they’ve got it made
would they every know
a falling star
or the blood-sweet taste
of a broken heart

a steady stream of lookers
rubberneck
desire on their minds
envy of the aging mothers
and the lovers left behind
the girls behind the glass
are wrinkle free
and wear the latest styles
but damned if i’ve
ever seen one smile

just read a friend’s brief blog about the challenge of choosing the creative life, and the risks of remaining true and devoted to one’s dream. an excerpt:

“I am at the tipping point, to keep going or to turn back? The truth is I have been broke for eight years chasing a career in film. I am not foolish enough to believe I am alone in this… Hollywood is full of thousands of other creative souls who have tried and also failed… many of them now live on the streets. We celebrate those who persist and eventually succeed, we love winners, how do we treat those who persist and fail? Were they any less heroic?”

later today i hope to find out the results of an audition+callback. i’ve been tipped off about more cool possibilities in the fall, and i’m looking forward to some great work back in New York City this fall and winter. a promising last quarter of 2010!

still…

each audition, gig, session – no matter how well-paying or high profile – is a roulette spin, or intravenous shot of gratification/validation, take your pick. progress is nonlinear to say the least. i still hold fast to my dedication to music, but, um, which dream was i fulfilling again?? from time to time i consider whether i should put my life as a singer-for-hire on the back burner, and instead take a full time job to support my goals as an independent artist & songwriter. hmmm…

these past few years have started to feel like perhaps i am living the life of a gambling addict. it only takes one payday to resuscitate the impression that there will be more, which carries you until the next one. by that time the buzz – and most likely the cash – from the last “hit” have both been well spent. in between one spends time writing, practicing, staying healthy and in shape, learning new skills or brushing up on existing ones, taking lessons or classes, networking, auditioning. all dies cast in the name of moving forward, making a living.

perhaps it’s a bit cliche, but to echo my friend’s sentiment in his blog – for every success story – every Brad or Angelina or Lady Gaga – there are at least hundreds of others at various stages of a creative career who are one payday or less away from homelessness or crippling debt. i am lucky to still be one of the ones getting calls, auditions, gigs. however, in my gut, i feel closer to the artists on the street than the ones on the red carpet.

that said, there is something strangely comforting and even encouraging in the knowledge that i am not alone in this experience, and that it has been a shared feeling among artists for centuries. i know many fellow creatives who keep a copy of Rilke’s “Letters To a Young Poet” close at hand because those missives feel like they were written to us, not just the young poet in the title.

i pray my filmmaker friend keeps the faith, finds the investors he needs and keeps going. today, he is my hero. today, i will keep my fingers crossed ’til the phone rings and hope that i am a winner.

my preface to this pair of stories is the confession that one of my duties of my part time day gig is selling some of the most exquisite and creative wedding invitations i have ever seen. through this, i have become ultra cognizant of the scope of the wedding industry, and it is one of the few places that a high quality of craftwork and artistry is still encouraged and readily paid for by regular everyday people. weddings employ florists, printers, seamstresses/tailors, designers, caterers, musicians…ice sculptors, for cryin’ out loud. on a personal level: my gigs as a wedding singer when i lived in NYC did help pay for my CD production.

that said…

earlier this summer, i found myself in a rental car with my boyfriend zooming across the Cascade Mountains in Washington State. we were en route to a remote lodge where i would see the youngest of my siblings get married. he had found a beautiful match in his bride. i knew this the first time i met her a couple of years back, when we stayed overnight with them. they spoke the same language, shared values, tastes, and seemed calm with one another. he looked so happy whenever he looked at her. she was kind, sweet, soft-spoken, and obviously loved him to pieces. i hoped for the best…

well, the “best” happened when we got to the lodge. the doors opened onto a scene of busy bees: there were young women covering folding chairs with white fabric; another couple was draping an arbor-like arch with white Christmas lights. my older brother was in the background, documenting the preparations with his camera. the future in laws were busy making meals and dessert in the main kitchen. as i rolled my suitcase through, i found my brother chopping peppers for breakfast omelettes in another kitchen area.

my older brother had stopped at the farmer’s market on the way to the  wedding and picked up many bundles of local wildflowers. the bridesmaids were busy sorting these into piles – daisies in one, then blue lupines, red poppies – these would become the arrangements for the wedding ceremony as well as the bouquets.

it was an assembly line for a do-it-yourself wedding, assembled with love and joy by friends and family.

even their ceremony was DIY. there wasn’t even a minister. the couple wrote and made their own vows to each other. they even sang a song, each specially chosen, to each other. all the attendants had something personal and moving to share about the couple, and the sincerity of everyone’s affection was apparent. i cried buckets of joy for my little bro and my new sister.

then, tonight, on the last day of july:

my boyfriend and i attended another wedding party for some dear friends. their approach was even simpler. some weeks before, they had gone to city hall to do the deed. tonight, they celebrated with friends.  no invitations (just an Evite), no flowers – the bride even baked the desserts and cakes herself – and a circle of the groom’s musician friends gifted the couple with impromptu love songs and music. the bride and groom were relaxed and happy, grateful for the chance to have their dearest friends together in one place so they could simply enjoy each other’s company and share their good news.

it was a humble celebration, but it sure felt luxurious.

now, i’m not suggesting the downfall of the wedding world as we know it. in these lean times, any industry that still does consistent business and employs armies of people is a good thing. but it’s amazing how complicated modern weddings can get, how the pressures of the gala can obscure the fact that that the celebration day is really a launch of the couple’s life together.

these two weddings were both simple, yet beautiful – and one felt that by just attending, you were actually passing a blessing  – though i’m not Jewish, the closest word i can think of is mitzvah – along to the couple for their union.

in these stripped down celebrations, it was easy for me to feel the rays of blessing that our communities and circles of friends would feel as a result of these two couples coming together and choosing devotion to each other for the rest of their lives.

love lives simply if you let it.

written on Easter Sunday, and inspired by a poem by Shannon Elizabeth Hardwick

in every point
gladness
i’m reaching out
for streams of it
i’m gonna keep it in a locket
’round my neck

searching out
i found you
in darkness whispered
for you
as i walk
toward you
i feel blessed

in the corners of the room
you read each word
i write to you
and your generous review
is forgiveness

speak to me again
say i am i am i am
fill me to the brim
drink it in

speak to me again
say i am i am i am
make me understand
what bliss is

the day i held
a fragile shell
the day i heard
the tower bell
that day i knew
i knew you well
i know you now

i could be
your shadow girl
i could cultivate
this pearl
every point – each star
- this world
gladness

in the corners of the room
you hear each song i sing to you
and when my song is through
you return it

speak to me again
say i am i am i am
make me understand
what bliss is…

speak to me again
say i am i am i am
fill me to the brim
drink it in

speak to me again
say i am i am i am
make me understand
what bliss is…

in every point
gladness
i’m reaching out
for streams of it
i’m gonna keep it in a locket
’round my neck.

the sun here is shining
so i’m sending you some
to your dark address
to your dark address

i’ll buy you a ticket
on a jumbo jet
you could come out west
you should come out west

the sun here is shining
like it always does
to fade back the color of your troubles
paradise if only the one you love
ain’t living in the shadows

well the sun casts a shadow
it can’t help it none
be a sundial, love
be a sundial my love

and the desert’s dry
but you can still find some life
of the dusty kind
of the dusty kind

the sun here is shining
like it always does
to fade back the color of your troubles
paradise if only the one you love
ain’t living in the shadows

well, the sun here is shining
so i’m sending you some
well the sun here is shining
so i’m sending you some

STEAL ME A BIBLE

steal me a bible
of gideon’s writ
so I can be humbled
by knowledge of it
steal me a bible
from your hotel room
so i’ll know salvation
is comin’ on soon

steal me a bible
‘cause god’s word is free
anywhere ‘tween tucson
and tennessee
out of the drawer
and into my eyes
a verse and a chapter
i need my messiah

read me a passage
over the phone
send me his message
that i’m not alone
prophecies sound better
fallin’ from your lips
till I can turn the pages
with my own fingertips

steal me a bible
find me some faith
I left mine in a motel
on the interstate
write me a parable
make me the star
roll back the stone
in front of my heart

-c.chavez 1/29/10

bible pic

one of my facebook friends challenged me recently to write a song based on her one line status update the other day.
here is the immediate result. perhaps still in progress but a nice thing to share on an overcast sunday.

FIDALGO ISLAND
by celia chavez
inspired by e. murphy and emily’s birthday

just watched the sun slip down behind Fidalgo Island
like each were diamonds i counted every ray
each moment of the ruby twilight sinking
each eyelid blink revealed the creeping
night

followed the hounds on their silent beachcombing
let go their leashes and watched them run away
they chase the waves – i chase these silent moments
and draw my memories in the shifting
grains

these days are different than the days before this
around a chorus like verses they frame
they may repeat with a strange dynamic
but keep the waves from sounding like just
static

i’ll find a bonfire lit by strangers
to share the happy heat of burning wood
so good to wager tired blood on sunsets
and bet my life on the
neighborhood

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