just read a friend’s brief blog about the challenge of choosing the creative life, and the risks of remaining true and devoted to one’s dream. an excerpt:

“I am at the tipping point, to keep going or to turn back? The truth is I have been broke for eight years chasing a career in film. I am not foolish enough to believe I am alone in this… Hollywood is full of thousands of other creative souls who have tried and also failed… many of them now live on the streets. We celebrate those who persist and eventually succeed, we love winners, how do we treat those who persist and fail? Were they any less heroic?”

later today i hope to find out the results of an audition+callback. i’ve been tipped off about more cool possibilities in the fall, and i’m looking forward to some great work back in New York City this fall and winter. a promising last quarter of 2010!

still…

each audition, gig, session – no matter how well-paying or high profile – is a roulette spin, or intravenous shot of gratification/validation, take your pick. progress is nonlinear to say the least. i still hold fast to my dedication to music, but, um, which dream was i fulfilling again?? from time to time i consider whether i should put my life as a singer-for-hire on the back burner, and instead take a full time job to support my goals as an independent artist & songwriter. hmmm…

these past few years have started to feel like perhaps i am living the life of a gambling addict. it only takes one payday to resuscitate the impression that there will be more, which carries you until the next one. by that time the buzz – and most likely the cash – from the last “hit” have both been well spent. in between one spends time writing, practicing, staying healthy and in shape, learning new skills or brushing up on existing ones, taking lessons or classes, networking, auditioning. all dies cast in the name of moving forward, making a living.

perhaps it’s a bit cliche, but to echo my friend’s sentiment in his blog – for every success story – every Brad or Angelina or Lady Gaga – there are at least hundreds of others at various stages of a creative career who are one payday or less away from homelessness or crippling debt. i am lucky to still be one of the ones getting calls, auditions, gigs. however, in my gut, i feel closer to the artists on the street than the ones on the red carpet.

that said, there is something strangely comforting and even encouraging in the knowledge that i am not alone in this experience, and that it has been a shared feeling among artists for centuries. i know many fellow creatives who keep a copy of Rilke’s “Letters To a Young Poet” close at hand because those missives feel like they were written to us, not just the young poet in the title.

i pray my filmmaker friend keeps the faith, finds the investors he needs and keeps going. today, he is my hero. today, i will keep my fingers crossed ’til the phone rings and hope that i am a winner.

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